I believe the energy that you put into the universe is the same energy you will attract into your life.
Since I have repeatedly drawn deadbeats to me, I must not be reading the writing on the wall: Lisa, you're a mess! Get yourself together.
For the first time in years, I'm actually single-single. I decided I no longer want to attract a person into my life who violates me emotionally or physically. This means, I will have to make changes. (I see myself in the future, and I look much better than I look right now.)
When you make up your mind that you want something, you will do what is necessary to make your dreams come true.
What is the energy I've been emanating to keep attracting negative energy?
Well, I was an abused child. I survived years of emotional abuse from my mother. The name calling was bad: Blackie this and No-good that. This mentality led me to learn to love the abuser. If your mother called you names and cursed you out, this had to be love, right?
I was 21 years old before I came to myself. I realized I was a beautiful young woman - dark skin to boot! However, by this time, the damage had already been done. I absorbed the lie that people who love you will hurt you - expect nothing more than this.
This warped mindset led me to believe that it was impossible for a man to be faithful and true to me. So, I was ready to accept whatever.
I vividly recall exclaiming at seventeen years of age that it is impossible for one man to be satisfied with one woman for the rest of his life. Reflecting on this comment makes me shudder to think this is how my spirit vibed at such a young age. There is no wonder I attracted womanizers!
If I am to begin healing, I have to get real with myself: all men aren't bad. There are good men out there. There is a man who is passionate about his relationship with God just as I am. There is a man who believes children should be cherished just as I believe. There is a man who understands that his body is the temple of God and it should not be defiled just as I believe. Yes, there is a man who God has just for me. Only when I'm ready. Only when I can receive love - untainted.
I have to be real: I'm not ready right now.
My body is broken. My emotions are bruised. My finances are battered. If you look at me today, you will see a mess. I am no prize to anyone. Only God can see through this garbage of a life I've created to the Me that lies beneath.
When that Me blossoms, I'm not sure who she'll be. However, I am certain that she will send a different energy into the universe. A positive, hopeful, loving energy. She will be a prize to the man God is molding just for her.
Lisa, I say to you: Hold fast. Be steady. Keep your eyes on the prize. Don't look to the left or to the right - for your reward is not there. It lies ahead. In Him.
During this interim of solace, I intend to pray a lot. Read even more. Change my circle of friends. Attend worship services. Begin new habits. Eat right. Exercise. Dance here and there. Laugh. And most of all, think on positive things.
If I don't get real with myself, I'll continue to live the same life I've lived for the first 39 years.
The law of attraction works. I bet ya it does! Watch how my life unfolds. You'll see.
If you want something, go get it. Period.
Remove the blinders.
