If I Were a Black Man . . .

I would not date the stereotypical black woman.

Research shows that most stereotypes are rooted in some truth. However, society rarely brings these negative traits about a culture to light for fear of backlash.  It seems mean to say what everyone really knows is true.

Well, I'm real. Wide open (and sometimes fake). I'll be the voice.

This response does not speak of all Black women, but if the shoe fits, please do us all a favor, take it off, burn it, and dump the ashes.

You see, the STEREOTYPICAL Black woman is . . .

1. Too much - Black women are just too much to deal with. Always over the top. Nothing ever seems to be simple with them. They have to make a big deal out of everything. I know you're probably running your own household, but let this man lead. You don't always have to hold the reigns. It's okay to sit back and enjoy the ride.

2. Too aggressive - The world is not out to get you just because someone else did you wrong in your past. Chill out. Believe in love. Let this new guy have a chance; he did nothing to you. Quit being so mean.

3. Too loud - How can a man have a cozy romantic dinner in a well-to-do restaurant if you're speaking loudly enough for everyone around you to hear? So not attractive. Shhh!

4. Too superficial - Really? You can't get your hair wet? How vain is that? So, he can never plan fun dates for you two without considering your hair and nails? Do you see other women behaving this way? No, you don't. Take notes. Live a little. 

5. Too pugnacious - At least women in other cultures are gossipy. But Black women? Oh, Black women want to fight. They aren't pleased with talking behind your back. A Black woman will confront you - even if if means belittling herself. She will get loud. She will attack you. She will punch you in the face, cuss, spit - whatever it takes to prove she's right. Who cares how unbecoming it looks to a man. "I'm right" seems to be the the only attitude that matters.

6. Too uncultured - No, plays and museums aren't boring. There are plenty of places to go on a date rather than booty shaking joints. Live a little. How about a game a tennis? Oh, yes, your hair. oops! What about a fun night of bowling? Oh . . .your overdone nails - sorry - not a good options. . . and those heels? can't take them off for a pair of bowling shoes! What was HE thinking?!!! Silly rabbit. At least give the unchartered places a try.

No wonder so many women of other cultures are running off with Black men. They know how to take care of them. And that, my friends, is an upcoming blog. Stay tuned.

Between Thanksgiving and Christmas

Funny isn't it . . . 
My fridge is still packed with "deliciocities" [my word] of Turkey day! Yet my waist is still packed with fat from the last holiday season.

Yes, I want to live a healthier life, but having such an awakening between Thanksgiving and Christmas is a feat mere mortals struggle with every year.

In everything we do, there should be a balance. Enjoying the festivities rest on one end of the continuum while maintaining a fit lifestyle resides on the other.

What a dilemma!

Usually, I would feel guilty about enjoying all the yummies this season brings - and I would have a self-righteous moment of not partaking in any of it! Can you believe that?
Well, I've had no success - ever - with that approach -- so . . . 

Here's my approach this year:

These two feast-filled holidays only happen once a year. Yep! This is no time for me to become a scrooge and withhold from the pleasure of food and fellowship.

So, I will not only enjoy the remaining Thanksgiving leftovers, but I'll also drool in anticipation of all the cookies and pies I'll pinch off leading to Christmas dinner.

Where's the change you ask? 

Dedication.

I will not only maintain a normal cardio routine, I'll increase it - to offset the damage I'm doing with calories the extra nibbling bring. I'll also commit myself to lifting weights regularly.

Additionally, I'll drink on purpose by replacing juices and spirits with more water.

Other than that y'all . . . I'm gon' eat! And I'm gonna cook.

 I intend to laugh and dance with family. We're going to have a good time.

So I'm offering  this simple phrase:  Eat what you want. Drink more water. Exercise. And be merry.

5 Things Good Women Do Differently

1.     She Gives Him Space. Why are you trying to seduce your man while he’s watching ESPN or unwinding on Xbox? Go sit down somewhere, and get a hobby. Sure, it’s okay to strut around the house in something eye-catching, but to purposely distract him during his favorite show is rude. If you want to be playful, why are you always saying no when he wants a pre-dawn powerplay? Also, there are ways to give him attention while he’s watching the game that allow for win-win outcomes. Use your imagination: he watches the game, you give him attention. Any more specific, I’d have to change the rating on this blog. Everyone wins. You’re happy; he’s probably happier, but you get my point.

2.     She Says Yes. Women must understand the importance of a thriving sex life for their men. Stop saying no, no, no. Become a YES woman! Instead of breaking him off a little every now and then, keep that man satiated. Of course there are times when nature calls and intimacy would be awkward at best so then saying no is fine. Other than that, a wife should “jump on it” every chance she gets. Keep his tank full.

3.     She Is Well-Groomed. Men are inundated with beauty everywhere they turn. If they are browsing a car magazine, scantily clad women are posted on every other page. If they are flipping through channels, beauty calls from the big screen. They can’t avoid it. So why then are you meandering about in a tattered bra, frumpy pajama pants, and bigger than life panties? Toss that mess in the garbage and give yourself a make over. There is no reason why your hair isn’t styled. Who cares if it’s the weekend, and there’s work to do. Style your hair, put on something cute, make sure the mani/pedi stays done, splash on your favorite scent, and keep his attention. Something short is nice too – don’t resist an eye-catching bend at the waist while you’re unloading the dryer or picking up trash off the floor! Gets them everytime.

4.     She Chooses Her Words Carefully. If you want to run your mouth, get a girlfriend. Ladies, men cannot handle excessive verbiage. A good woman knows to get to the bottom line immediately when speaking with her man. Cut all the details and fluffy sidebars and get to the point. If you want him to tune into you, be concise. Save the flowery expressions for 3a.m. when your warm whispers arouse him from his sleep. However, once you’ve awakened him, it’s time to be quiet again. Let your bodies do the rest of the talking.

5.     She Has Strong Girlfriend Connections. Contrary to popular belief, your man should not be your best friend. Soul mate? Yes. Confidante? Sure. Life Partner? You bet cha! But the person you yap to about the dress you’re wearing to the Christmas party or which color shoes would go best with your wrap dress? No, Sweetie. Those are topics that should be reserved for your female connections – not the muscle mass you call your man. Effeminate males are unattractive, so if a man did want to engage in those type of discussions with me, I would look at him sideways. Uh, you’ve got to go…I like a manly man and helping me decide which nail polish would be best with my red dress is a turn off. That’s what your girlfriends are for. Don’t punk out your man by discussing girlie things with him; he really isn’t that interested anyway…probably trying his best to appease you – and secretly praying to whatever God he believes in behind your back that you will find a friend so he doesn’t have to play dress up with you.

Hold Me Together

Often we become caught up in our own affairs so much so that it’s like an ostrich with his head buried in the sand. When we connect with others we sometimes forget to sincerely ask them how things are going before we lambaste them with our own issues.

Take a look around you.

 I can guarantee you that you are sitting or standing next to someone who is going through something - this is the one thing we all have in common as humans.

Pain, in its various forms, is something we all can relate to. A husband may be struggling emotionally with the burden of providing for his family. Allowing pride to overtake him, he bottles up his fear inside without letting anyone know.

So many of us have children that we forget about the plight of those who would cherish the opportunity to be successful in getting pregnant – the hope of holding their own baby. Unfortunately, we’re too busy flashing our own pictures to look beyond the plastered smile to see the sadness within.

What about the young person who doesn’t feel validated by mom and dad? Peers applying pressure all around to smoke, to drink, to have sex. Where else will they turn with these feelings? Life is too much to deal with.

Are you paying attention to those around you? Are you?

What about the little ones? Do you take the time to actually sit and watch their tv shows with them or do you choose instead to plop them down for an hour of free babysitting? You do know this is a person. A person with feelings and concerns. Don’t let the baby talk fool you. Regardless of age, this little one probably has something s/he’s going through as well. We all do.

Pain is blind to age, race, color, wealth, and creed.

So what will we do about it?

We should strive to make authentic connections with others. Real. Genuine. Let’s put our own concerns in the hands of a God who can hold us together so that we can focus more on bearing one another’s burdens. No one should have to walk this walk alone. God needs us to be there for those we love.

Pay attention. Listen. If you spend five minutes talking on a real level with someone, you will hear an issue s/he’s going through. Take a moment to allow her to talk about it. No, you don’t have to offer a solution. Just listen. After all, you can’t solve the problem anyway. What you can do, however, is add her to your prayer list and lay those burdens at the feet of Jesus.

Can you do that? I challenge each of us to pull our ostrich-like heads out of the sand of our worlds and begin to look around us paying close attention to every single person we connect with. Begin at home first. Extended family next. Friends we love. Neighbors. Yes, even the lady in front of you at Walmart. (smile)

II. Timothy 2:4 No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.

It's Time to Get Real!

Bruised. Battered. Broken. This is me now. Not the me that I want to be but realistic about who I am today.

I believe the energy that you put into the universe is the same energy you will attract into your life.

Since I have repeatedly drawn deadbeats to me, I must not be reading the writing on the wall: Lisa, you're a mess! Get yourself together.

For the first time in years, I'm actually single-single. I decided I no longer want to attract a person into my life who violates me emotionally or physically. This means, I will have to make changes. (I see myself in the future, and I look much better than I look right now.)

When you make up your mind that you want something, you will do what is necessary to make your dreams come true.

What is the energy I've been emanating to keep attracting negative energy?

Well, I was an abused child. I survived years of emotional abuse from my mother. The name calling was bad: Blackie this and No-good that. This mentality led me to learn to love the abuser. If your mother called you names and cursed you out, this had to be love, right?

I was 21 years old before I came to myself. I realized I was a beautiful young woman - dark skin to boot! However, by this time, the damage had already been done. I absorbed the lie that people who love you will hurt you - expect nothing more than this.

This warped mindset led me to believe that it was impossible for a man to be faithful and true to me. So, I was ready to accept whatever.

I vividly recall exclaiming at seventeen years of age that it is impossible for one man to be satisfied with one woman for the rest of his life. Reflecting on this comment makes me shudder to think this is how my spirit vibed at such a young age. There is no wonder I attracted womanizers!

If I am to begin healing, I have to get real with myself: all men aren't bad. There are good men out there. There is a man who is passionate about his relationship with God just as I am. There is a man who believes children should be cherished just as I believe. There is a man who understands that his body is the temple of God and it should not be defiled just as I believe. Yes, there is a man who God has just for me. Only when I'm ready. Only when I can receive love - untainted.

I have to be real: I'm not ready right now.

My body is broken. My emotions are bruised. My finances are battered. If you look at me today, you will see a mess. I am no prize to anyone. Only God can see through this garbage of a life I've created to the Me that lies beneath.

When that Me blossoms, I'm not sure who she'll be. However, I am certain that she will send a different energy into the universe. A positive, hopeful, loving energy. She will be a prize to the man God is molding just for her.

Lisa, I say to you: Hold fast. Be steady. Keep your eyes on the prize. Don't look to the left or to the right - for your reward is not there. It lies ahead. In Him.

During this interim of solace, I intend to pray a lot. Read even more. Change my circle of friends. Attend worship services. Begin new habits. Eat right. Exercise. Dance here and there. Laugh. And most of all, think on positive things.

If I don't get real with myself, I'll continue to live the same life I've lived for the first 39 years.

The law of attraction works. I bet ya it does! Watch how my life unfolds. You'll see.

If you want something, go get it. Period.

Remove the blinders.